The C.P.O.'s Message to the Shareholders

Dear Shareholders, I realize that many of you are keenly interested in the rumor floating around that Bumming, L.L.C. might be either in the market to merge with or acquisition the Microsoft Corporation.  Let me quickly review the history. Technically, Microsoft has not yet made any overt overtures toward us, nor, in fact, made formal contact with us in any way.  Bumming, Inc., does, however, use some of their software, and I felt this formed a strong bond between the two companies.  And so one day I said to myself, "What if they want to merge?"  And I thought about this for a while.  And then I thought, "Maybe it would be better to just buy them out."  (View the Bumming, Inc.'s Financial Report  here)  And then I thought about watering my desk plant "Tangles."  And I did, in fact, water Tangles.  And after this endeavor, I realized I was working seriously too hard.  The insidious concept of productivity was lurking around the next corner of my mind, wasn't it?  That is where the affair currently stands, and I can assure you that it is still under intense scrutinization (or maybe just scrutiny) by the company's foremost administrative committees.  Furthermore, the Exchequer department has not yet been queried as regards the socio-political impact that such a move might have upon the free-spirited non-working-class people we represent.  To be entirely honest, I suspect that the cultural differences between Bumming, Inc. and the Microsoft Corporation will inevitably lead any future talks into deadlock.  I have heard it said that the Microsoft Corporation creates "Office and Productivity" software, and these claims are dire indeed, and will warrant thorough investigation by someone else.  I'll think about considering the options for outsourcing that investigation after I go down to the lake for a swim, maybe. Please feel free to  voice your input as shareholders.  We want your valued opinions about these things.  Sometimes I even read my mail, when I'm not feeling too lazy. Yours sincerely, Forrest Sondahl, Chief Procrastination Officer

---

Back to the Main Page