Sondahl's Fiction blog

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Welcome to the new Stream of Consciousness fiction blog.

A serial adventure in fiction by Brad Sondahl

Click on the day of the week for the current selection, or an earlier day if you missed an installment for the week. Previous weeks are listed at the bottom of the page
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16 What's in a name?

I wasn't always a banjo salesperson. After college, while wondering what college was supposed to do for you, I figured out that you needed lots of letters after your name to get the big bucks. While Ph.D.s were expensive, there were plenty of letters that were cheap. I learned this from the cover of a matchbook offering professional certification in almost everything, by mail. Before long I was a certified ACR (American Credenza Rater), PBC (Pre Ballistic Channeler), and BLT (Basic Law Tomographer). Unfortunately I still didn't know how to get a job.

My parents, thinking it was time for me to leave the basement, left the newspaper want ads at the top of the basement stairs for me faithfully. Eventually (after they cut the cable tv cable to my room) I figured out I could look for a job in the want ads. There I was confronted with more letters. Unfortunately, few of them matched the ones I had for myself. An ad might read:

Seeking a PLC Maintenance Technician who provides controls expertise on programmable logic controllers, operator interface devices, and loop control equipment. Must be able to communicate information to others informatively and may be required to provide low voltage electrical assistance for facility. If you do not generate electricity, do not apply. Must understand DC, AC, PVC, and UPC circuits and measuring techniques. If you cannot explain the Theory of Relativity to us in 25 words or less, please look elsewhere.

Others were not as technical, but still didn't match my letter--skill set:

ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Completes 10 to 12 Environmental Site Assessments (ESA) per month to identify Recognized Environmental Conditions (RECs) and other conditions of environmental concerns as outlined in the scope of work.
• Travels by airplane to approximately 50% of on-site assessments.

That one sounded good, since I like to travel by airplane. Finally I decided to apply somewhere even though the letters didn't match up. I did well enough in the interview to get started with Vimco. The interview went something like this:

HR (that's Human Resources) manager: To work with HVIC products, it's necessary to have IVBC clearance.
Me: Well, that's true, except that my DVR1 certification exceeds the H201 standards, so the IVBC doesn't apply in that instance.
(At this point I've trumped the guy, as he's unwilling to admit he's never heard of the H201 standards and DVR1. Curiously, neither had I... So he tried another ploy:)
HR manager: It says here you're a certified PBC. I'm not sure that we need someone with that skillset.
Me: They made that same mistake over at URT Data. Have you ever heard of URT Data?
HR manager: It doesn't sound familiar...
Me: That's my point. Pfftt! They didn't hire a PBC. PBC enables a company to be a household name with or without a product. Uh, what product does Vimco actually make?
HR manager: As it says on the sign, products for the HVIC industry.
Me: Real products--that's good. PBC only facilitates incrementally if there's no real product to promote, but if you've got product, PBC has solutions. But it can't be a part of the solution if you don't have a PBC cert tech on the team. Which is why I'm here.

Of course the interview went on, but in the end, I joined the Vimco team. It turned out the guy I was sent to work under didn't want anyone capable that might take his job, so he was happy to relegate me to the outer darkness cubicle, thinking I'd weep and gnash my teeth. He gave me all the boring repetitive work, which, after he showed me how to deal with once, I was able to do well enough, even though I had no idea what I was actually doing. I'd probably still be there, but the Folk Festival rolled around and they told me I didn't have any vacation time yet, so of course I had to quit. But it gave me a few more letters after my name-- HVIC. I dropped the Vimco part--I thought it sounded silly.

Use this chart to find the next of the cartoons (first 47 entries) or the stories (starting with 1 A River Too Far 5 rows below week 8)

Cartoon: Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4	Week5	Week 6	Week 7	Week 8	Week 9	Week 10
Week 11	Week 12	Week 13	Week 14	Week 15	Week 16	Week 17	Week 18	Week 19	Week 20
Week 21	Week 22	Week 23	Week 24	Week 25	Week 26	Week 27	Week 28	Week 29	Week 30
Week 31	Week 32	Week 33	Week 34	Week 35	Week 36	Week 37	Week 38	Week 39	Week 40
Week 41	Week 42	Week 43	Week 44	Week 45	Week 46	Week 47 (cartoon ends)	1. A River Too Far	2.The Reunion	3.The Daily Grind
4 The New Car and Treasure	5. The Big Bambootees	6. The old Switcheroo	7. The Ravine Runner	8. The Fabulous Folk Festival	9. Druid Fluid	10. Goats of Christmas Past	11. The Secret Six	12. The Great White Hunters	13. The Old School
14 Lost in the City	15 Schlemiel Possession	16 What's in a name?	17 The Curse of Bently Manor	18 Shortbottom Possessed	19 The Lost Treasure of Iraq	20 Phil Steen for President!	21 Phil Steen for Rehab	22 The Adventures of Handiman and Fiberwoman	23 Quantum Uncertainty revealed
24 Pirates of the Puget Sound	25 Building a platform, plank by plank	26 The Quest for meaning	27 Larry and Phil to The Rescue	28 Hurrah for the Reds, Whites, and Blues	29 Phil loses his mind	30 Earth Strikes Back	31 Harry the Potter	32 How I spent my summer vacation	33 Help I am trapped in the Present!
34 Help I am trapped in the future	35 The Nose of Death	36 Infectious Laughter	37 Election Update

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